I realized today I find myself in an awkward state. I am a fat lady eating like a skinny lady. This seems to confuse people. Today when I ordered my meal at Subway the lady looked like she wanted to ask me, "Don't you want more?" or yesterday when I ate at Blackwells the server felt the need to tell me how small the cup of soup was (and it was quite big enough for me). Part of me wants to say... "Look people I am a work in progress. Soon my body will match my food intake ok?" Until then I guess I am ok with being Awkward :)
Tommy and I have realized we need a few snacks to enjoy from time to time. I have several I love. My favs are: Fresh Veggies and Dill Dip (55CAL), Mixed Fresh Fruit (45 CAL), Laughing Cow Light Swiss Cheese Wedge and 7 fire roasted tomato wheat thin stixs (100 CAL), Dry Special K (60CAL 1/2 SERVING), Sugar Free Black Cherry Jello with a little squirt of light whipped cream (25CAL), sugar free chocolate mint mousse (60 CAL), and sugar free fudge bars (45 CAL). :) YUMMY!!!!
This weekend Tommy and I decided we would NOT count calories for Saturday night and Sunday durring the day. It was very hard for me..... I found myself wanting to. We didn't even really eat that bad. Saturday we had a very very low calorie lunch and worked out. Saturday night I had a salad and we split a meal the I had 2 pieces of pizza for a lat night snack (thin crust). Sunday we were also good. I had a salad and we split at meal. Then we were back to our low calorie meal for dinner. Plus we walked all over Nashville. It wasn't bad but I was stressed when I weighed and I was a little heavier than Friday. Uggggg I was frustrated and a little angry with myself. WHY?????? I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't super bad even. Why do I beat myself up? I find myself doing it though. Today I was mad at myself and ended up getting a little snippy with Tommy because we walked 3.75 miles per hour instead of 4 miles per hour. Really??? Really??? GEEZE..... I just need to tell myself CHILL!!!!! The weight will come back off an I will likely loose at least another pound this week. And so what? A pound is a pound and I will be happy for it. :)
This was an amazing weekend. Tommy, Dan, Carla, and I spent the weekend in Nashville. We enjoyed a fun Saturday in Downtown Nashville. We ate at one of our fav spots The Big River Grill and then enjoyed some great music at Nashville Nights. Sunday we ate at Taza and walked around the city. Sunday night we saw Rush. The show was great....Great music and a great show! Rush.... the word had me thinking. I tend to try to RUSH things with my diet. I want to hurry up and loose weight. No RUSH.... I have time. No need to RUSH :)
My mom called me today and we were talking about the big big big game tonight. UK is ofcourse in the final 4. But this is the first time UK has been since 1998. I had noted earlier that my Nannie attended several UK games. What I didn't realize was that the last game my grandmother attened was UK's final four game in 1998. Its funny when little details like that seem so small but mean so much. It flooded my mind with so many memories of my Nannie. Not only does it make me think of her and her love for UK but all the wonderful times we had together. I will be thinking of you today Nannie...you are in my heart! I know heaven has the best view of the game! I love you.
Before my Nannie died she suffered for many years. It was so very hard to see her health decline. I leave you with the song that makes me think of her the most.
Blackbird
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
I have had 2 weeks of only one pound losses. It has been frustrating. I have tried to be proud of my weight loss over these last two weeks even though it has been very modest. But uggg it has really had me down. So this week I have been ultra good making sure I stay as close to my traget calorie goals as I can and exercising. Well it appears to have paid off. I lost three pounds this week. I have lost a grand total of 25lbs. It feels so gdod. I felt like I would never get here. It feels good to look at the scale. I feel better! I feel ready to run and jump in the air! It is hard for me to even imagine being at my heaviest just a few months ago.
Yesterday we were are lunch talking about health and weight loss. One of my co-wokers is also loosing weight and began her weight loss Journey about six months ahead of me. We were talking about our joys and frustrations with our weight loss journeys. This made me think about the old me. The old me would have sat there listening to people talk about weight loss and think gee I really want to but I can't which really ment I wouldn't. If I could talk to the me from just a few months ago. The me in those pictures from October.... I would say. You can do it! I know it seems really hard and it is... but it's worth it. Do it for yourself, for your health, for your son, do it to save your life!! I was headed for a life of obesity, back problems, high blood pressure, diebties, and maybe even a premature death. Anyone can do this. People choose not to. They choose to have that Big Mac and Fries instead of the grilled chicken and a salad, they choose to have the extra hot fudge sunday instead of the sugar free jello, they choose to ahve the big tub of popcorn instead of a half of a small. Find the will power!! You know you can!!! Save your life!! You are sooooooo worth it!
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