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When I was a little girl I used to love going to the fair and winning prizes.  I always wanted one of those HUGE stuffed animals.  My parents always protested to wasting all of thier money trying to get one.  THEY WERE SO MEAN TO ME hahaha.   That's how I feel about my weight loss.  I want the prize so bad.   I am excited about reaching 50 pounds this week. Words can't even express how good it feels.  Just a few months ago it felt impossible.   It felt miles away.   But I did it. The word for the day on Saturday was perfect.  Here is an excert...  

Refresh: I am refreshed and renewed in mind, body and spirit. When I think of my health and the way I approach it, I ask myself if I am doing all I need to do to be healthy, whole and well. If I feel I can do more, I take this opportunity to refresh and perhaps adopt new healthy habits.I may begin by spending more time in prayer and meditation, visualizing my body as a holy temple filled with divine, renewing life.  I may start an exercise regimen that helps me get in tune with my body. I may try new, more healthful ways to prepare my food. Of the many healthy practices available to me, I follow my inner guidance and find which ones are right for me. I am refreshed and renewed in mind, body and spirit

Saturday Tommy and I went to the farmer's market.  There were scores of temptations (Candy, Desserts, Breads, and all kinds of snacks).  There was a church with country ham breakfast sandwhiches, homemade candies, brownies, cupcakes, and pies.   They asked us if we wanted any.  We both declined and looked at the rest of the stands.   I brought ten dollors in cash and settled on some fresh peach bread for my parents and 2 very yummy fresh peaches.   I had a few bucks left so I returned back to the little church's stand.   I handed the woman the money and walked away.  She thanked me as I left and tried to insist we take something but I again declined.   It was very hard to do that but I am so proud of myself.  
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This week I worked out so hard that I have had some extra calories.  Tommy and I enjoyed a wonderful Summer night Saturday.  We started our evening with a little pre-dinner cocktail at Shandies outside.  We had a wonderful meal and enjoyed some fantastic music at Mother Ducans featuring Train Company, a blues band from Chicago.   We then finsihed off our night at JPs courtyard listening to the melodic sounds of the Great Gatsby.   Here are a few pictures from our night.   How was your weekend?
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I lost another pound today.  Total - 50lbs!!!!!!!!
 
 
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Even though my week has been very busy I have managed to work out every day this week.   Here is what my weeks work out has looked like so far.   Monday:  30mins Zumba, Tuesday:  1hr Zumba, Wednesday: 1hr Zumba, and Tomarrow:  1hr Zumba.  Friday I hope to do an hour Zumba too, Saturday I hope to do bike and stairs, Sunday I plan to do circut training.   No matter what the outcome is I know I have given it my all.  Calorie wise I have stayed on the low end.   My fingers and toes are crossed for Friday.  I hope I can at least loose a pound.   No matter what the scale says I can see changes in my body.  I look and feel trimmer and more fit.   For that I am proud.  :)
 
 
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This weekend was very busy.  Spicer had his Birthday Party on Friday, Saturday was not too bad but pretty full, and Sunday we were in Paducah running erands and seeing both Tommy's parents and my parents.   Not to mention all the exercise we did or the fact that my phone decided to quit working.   I am very proud to report that Tommy and I exercised every day last week and sometimes more than once a day.  This week I plan to do the same thing.  Even if I can just loose a pound I will be happy since that will put me at -50lbs.  WOOOO HOOOO!!!  That feels so good to say :)   

This week is also going to be busy but I started it off right by doing Zumba this morning and we plan to do curcit training tonight.   I feel good when I exercise every day.  I feel refreshed and I think it makes me feel more alert.  It's funny how that works isn't it?  Before when I was larger and didn't exercise I did less but felt even more tired.   Interesting right?   I did something Sunday night that I ahve never had to do.  I had to eat more becuse I exercised so much that I had to add some calories.   I didn't do anything extreme but I did have a half-order of Chicken Pasta.  I have't had pasta in quite some time because it's just so high in calories I haven't wanted to.  But with getting the half order and having the extra calories I was able to do so without the guilt.   If I exercise like I did last week I will likely have to do that again.  Hmmmm what should I have for my splurge this weekend?  Any Ideas? 
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It's funny how things happen.  I had intended to have the number 49 as a picture for this blog but when I looked up 49 on my free picture search this is one of the pictures that came up.   This is how I felt today.  I felt like my -50lbs was behind this brick wall.  But I looked up today's daily word and here is an excert.  I thought it was very fitting for today. 

"Turning Points...  I have been through turning points in my life--times in which I overcame fear, changed my way of thinking, or found inner reserves of courage and strength. As I look back on these times, I realize I was never alone. This gives me comfort and peace.   I give thanks for the turning points in my life, for through them, I have emerged stronger and wiser. I have been blessed with new ideas and attitudes, new ways of seeing the world around me and the people in it."

Not loosing two pounds isn't the end of the world.  Is it frustrating?  YES!!!  But not the end of the world.  I still lost a pound and I am proud of that.  I exercised everyday this week and I am proud of that.  I stayed on the lower end of my calories and I am proud of that.  I helped my body build muscle and I am proud of that.  And even with excessive heat warnings everyday I did not give up!!!  So I will be proud of my one pound because, I'VE EARNED IT!!!!

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Ok so I admit it... I am scared about my weigh-in tomarrow.  I keep spot checking and I may just loose a pound tomarrow or worse maybe just stay the same.   That makes me sad.  But I have been working VERY hard.  I have no idea how I could have tried any harder this week.  I have kept my calories low (within reason), I have drank a lot of water, I have tried to stick to more veggies, more fruits, more leafy greans, and lean meats.   I have exercised everyday this week and have burned almost two thousand calories in just 4 days.   I think it is becasue I am SO close to -50.  I am just 2 pounds away and I want so badly to be able report tomarrow that I have lost those two pounds.   Whatever the outcome of tomarrows weigh-in I know that I have really stepped things up this week.  So I am at least proud of myself for that.  
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Here is what I'm doing to work out.  What are you doing???
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If I can loose two pounds this week I will reach 50!!   I really want to make it to -50 this week.  I know it wont be the end of the world if I don't but I really hope I do.   I talked yesterday about how happy I was when I saw my shadow and I also said how easy it is for me to go the other way and HATE my body.  Today at my co-worker's baby shower and as we were leaving I heard someone say, "When are you due?"  I thought she was talking to me.  Suddenly all my fear and body hate came rushing back.  I wanted to just cry.  Then I realized...she was talking to my co-worker who is 8 months preggers not me.  It is amazing how quickly all those old fears can come rushing back.  I hope as I loose more weight and get used to a smaller body I will have less and less of these episodes and learn to be ok in my own skin. 
 
 
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Tommy took this while I wasn't looking.  I know it is a little grainy but I like it.   :)
 
 
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Today I was walking in to Kidz Company with Spicer and the sun was bright and beaming down.   I noticed as I was walking a figure out of the corner of my eye.  I found myself shocked to realize it was my shadow.   Who was this curvy and fit outline?  It was me!!!   I'm not sure why but it just really struck me today.  I felt very good about myself today.   This feeling comes and goes.  Somedays I look at my body with hate and frustration.   We have a difficult relationship, my body and I.  

My dad called me today and was very excited to inform me that he was going on an all juice diet.  Really?  All juice?  Is he really going to be able to do that?  I think he wanted me to say, "Great Job!!  You can do it."  But what I ended up saying was, "Daddy do you really think this is something you could do for 60 days?  Then he modified his statement by saying, " Well I think I might just eat more fruits and veggies and not eat fried foods."  I told him that seemed more practical but again I questioned him eliminating a whole section of foods from his diet.   Why do people do that with diets?  Why is it often all or nothing?  "I'm going on the all grapefruit diet."  I'm not going to eat any carbs."  "I'm going to only drink these shakes."  "Im going to only eat these microwave meals. "   And while I'm on my soap box ...why on earth do people give up on diets so easy?  People would look at you as if you were nuts if you did that in other aspects of your life.  Like what if you said, "My husband and I are getting a divorce becasue we had one fight. "  or "I am sending my son off to military school becasue he got intouble at school once."  or " I quit my job becasue I had one bad day."  You would never do that.  But for some odd reason people feel perfectly fine with giving up on diets like that.  Have you ever heard, "I gained weight so I am quiting my diet" or "I had a double cheese burger and chilli cheese fries so I quit." or "I quit going to the gym becasue we didn't go any these last few weeks."  REALLY???  REALLY???   Why do people do that.  Do I mess up?  Oh yes!!! Do I skip exercise? Do I eat too much? Do I eat the wrong things?  YES YES YES!!!!!  We all do.  But then you get back up in the morning and you start all over again.  Every day is a new day.  Heck every meal is a fresh start.   So you ate too much lunch... Eat a smaller dinner!!!  So you had that hot fudge Sunday, that is your splurge day.  Just dont eat one everyday.   So you had that movie butter popcorn.  Modify your next meal.  This isn't some majic trick people.  This is a lifestyle change.  An effort to improve health by eating less and exercising more.  That's it.  There isn't some magic pill or food or equipment you use for 5 mins a day.  Just Calories In and Calories Out.  
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