Dear Reader:

I want to begin this blog by saying thank you
for reading! I know I don't have many people who read this but if anything it gives me comfort to get my thoughts down.

I haven't been motivated lately. I find myself getting up each morning with good intentions of yoga or zumba or running or lifting or getting on my bike but the hours of the day tick tock away and I find myself producing 300 reasons why I can't do anything. I keep waiting for motivation, for inspiration, for that feeling I used to feel that MADE me exercise. It hasn't come! I have felt bored with exercise. I have felt less than motivated. Heck I have felt the opposite of motivated. I have felt LAZY. I keep thinking I can draw motivation from others. It's all around me! I don't have to look far. I have a friend competing in an Ironman, a friend
who started writing a blog, and another friend who has lost over 20lbs. Why isn't something clicking? Then today as I was riding my bike it hit me. It was similar to the realization I had a few weeks ago that this was my life. I realized that there wasn't going to be some confetti that poured out when I reached the end of my journey. My life is my JOURNEY. The same thing comes with inspiration. I mean what the heck am I looking for? Am I looking for the clouds
to part and the sun to shine on me with choirs singing in the background?  

Today I was doing a few things for a co-workers wedding shower. I was trying to find some words of wisdom, a quote to sum up my advice on a good relationship. I looked at several quotes. I kept finding them lacking what I wanted to say. Then I found it. Three simple words...“Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy Not only was that the perfect quote for what I was looking for it was also WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR! I need to have time and patience. I have said this before. THIS ISN"T A RACE!!! I have always loved Tolstoy. He is one of my favorite writers. I love his writing. I love his characters. They are never without flaws but at the same time not a single one is without redeeming qualities. One of my favorite characters of his is Pierre. Here is one of his best lines.

Each morning I wake up, I'm disgusted with myself
with what I did the night before.   I tell myself, "Today, a change."If my headache is bad enough, I say, "Pierre..." you must take steps to become a saint." I drop into the club and watch the card-playing, just order a glass of water to prove how marvellously I resist temptation.Then someone comes along and says, "Just one vodka, Pierre."Next morning, my headache is worse, my pockets are emptier.  I want to discover... everything!  I want to discover why I know what's right and still do what's wrong.  I want to discover what happiness is, and what value there is in suffering.  I want to discover why men go to war, and what they really say deep in their hearts when they pray.  I want  to discover what men and women feel when they say they love.    There's enough to keep me busy.

This JOURNEY I am on is enough to keep me busy. I will struggle, I will lack motivation, I will make mistakes. I haven't lost weight in several months. The wind isn't blowing my way so it's time to adjust my sails! The great
thing about it is that I am not alone in the boat.

I am so lucky to have Tommy by my side in this journey. I have my exercise and journey partner all rolled into one :). I am sure sometimes he wants to push me out of the boat since I tend to whine more and resist more than he EVER does. I tend to not be near as happy or excited about exercising. But there he is. Always there!

I have felt like a failure these past few months but I think I am a peace with myself. I forgive myself. And it's time to
move on. Here's to THE JOURNEY, even when you aren't motivated or inspired. Here's to THE JOURNEY when you are feeling down and wanting to quit because those times do exist and then you get over them and move on. What do you do to begin again in your JOURNEY?

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